Lunacy: Tales of a mad trainer
by Denizen Of Madness
Summary: What happens when a crazy moron, a gentleman thief, a kleptomaniac, and a power hungry Teddiursa travel through Unova? Chaos! Throw in a pirate artist wannabe and a completely moronic evil team and you get a crazy-as-pineapples fanfic! Journey fic parody. Rated T, just to be on the safe side!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, gentle readers! In this Journey fic parody, I will be co-writing with Artemissymetrical, who worte about half of this chapter. She also created Artemis. So, yeah. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Those who knew Luna Walsh used may words to describe her. Brash, confident, loud, blue, and so on and so forth. However two words that never came up were "sane" and "competent". The thing was, she wasn't sane and competent. In fact, the only thing she was ever good at was Pokémon battling. That, and the bagpipes. Whenever she went to the store, she would get lost and would need to ask for directions. Also, she always lost the shopping list and bought everything that was not on it.

When she would cook, she always started a fire.

When she cleaned, she started a fire.

When she watered the grass, a fire would start.

When she started a fire, it went out.

You get the point. When she did stuff, things would go horribly wrong.

And her sanity, well, that can be explained by her strange home life.

Her father, Doctor Hartley Walsh was an astro-entomologist at the Mossdeep Space center. That basically meant he studied dirt and rocks from space. And no, I didn't make that up, I think. The man was literally in love with space. Since his childhood, Hartley was fascinated with space. His love of it made him name his daughter Luna. He was freaking obsessed! Almost all her ever talked about was space. Space Space Space Space Space!

Oh, and his entire head was completely shadowy from the neck up. What, you've never heard of a person having a shadowy head? Well, no one knows why his head is like that. Ever since birth, his head was all dark, while the rest of him was pale.

His hair was, well, shadowy and wavy. His eyes appeared as giant white saucers, and his mouth was shaped like a red banana strewn across his face. Over all, he kinda looked like a generic mad scientist, even though he was  
actually quite nice. Albeit space obsessed. Space.

His daughter didn't look a thing like him. She had short, dark blue with jagged locks of hair that hugged her face. Her height and build was average for a sixteen year old in the Hoenn region. She wore a blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and wore a pair of khakis with a hole in the left knee. And to top (or, rather, bottom) it all off, she wore lime green sneakers.

But you're not here to hear about her home life, are you? You're here to read about her adventures.

* * *

It all began one normal day with Luna eating cereal for her breakfast. In reality, however, this was her third attempt at eating some. The first two tries led to an explosion and a murder-suicide, respectively. Trust me, you don't want the specifics. But three times in apparently the charm, as she managed to pour a bowl a bowl this time around without incident.

Her father, on the other hand, opted to eat buttered toast, the true breakfast of champions. As he finished his food, he asked, "Luna? Space."

"Mmm?" Luna looked up from her cereal, whose name I can't mention to to legal reasons.

"Do you remember how I have a job that the Author totally didn't make up? Space."

"...I remember something similar to that."

"Well, it turns out that it actually has plot relevance."

Luna spat out a bit of her cereal at her father's eye. Luna gasped slightly and uttered a quick apology. "Oops sorry, dad. Didn't mean that to happen."

"It's fine," he said as he wiped himself off with a napkin."Anyway, I'm going on a business trip to Unova in a few days."

"Why?"

"Because they found so rock there and they think that it might be from SSSSPPPPAAACCCCEEE! Space."

"Sweet! Does that mean I have the house to my self?"

"Of course not! Space."

"What?!"

"Luna, you know I love you, but I just don't feel like I can trust you enough to let you stay home alone. Space," the good doctor looked at his daughter with pleading eyes.

"B-but I can handle it! I'm a grown woman! I'm sixteen! You can't just treat me like a child anymore!" Luna slammed her hands on the table and sat up abruptly.

"Luna!" Dr. Walsh said in a much more serious tone than what he had used before. "If you want me to treat you like an adult, then act like it! Make your breakfast without people dieing in horrific ways! Space."

Luna was taken aback by her fathers words. "But I... I just..." Luna ran out of the kitchen, and out of the house.

"Luna! Space." The scientist called after his daughter, but to no avail. She was out of earshot. He sighed. Perhaps he could have handled that a bit better...

* * *

Meanwhile, in a place far far away (five minutes from where Luna is) Artemis was currently doing what she did best.  
Stealing. Well, that and drinking milk through her nose. But more on that later.

Artemis was a girl around Luna's age. She was a thin girl, but not like a Mary sue thin. Like a normal person-y kind of thin. She wore a navy blue hoody with a matching (and long-ass) scarf. Oh, and baggy jeans and boots. Her hair was brown, and was cut like crazy like. Which she totally was. Oh, and green eyes.

Hmm, nearly there. Just one more reach… She smirked in triumph as her hands closed around the boys purse.

"HELL YEAH!" she screamed, causing everyone in the vicinity to turn round and stare at the brunette. "I did it! It's all mine…"

She then proceeded to laugh in an evil manner, kind of like this: "MWA HA HA HA HAAAA!" or was it like this: "Tee hee hee hee!"

Anyway, said boy turned round and whacked Artemis with his handbag. "Gimme back my purse, biyatch!" he squeaked campily.

Artemis stared at the almighty pinky thing in front of her. The almighty pinky thing stared at the wannabe emo in front of him/her/it.

After a minute or so of this, Artemis asked "Why are we staring?"

The almighty pinky thing (for **s sake, let's just call it APT) continued staring. "By the power vested in me given by the great god Gok Wan, I curse with the curse of the colour Black!"

"Dafuq are you on?" Artemis asked curiously. "And could I have some?"

"NOOOOOOO!" APT shrieked and broke several windows, a car and some old dude's glass eye. "I want Pursey back!"

"… No. Pursey's mine now."

APT stopped shrieking to the relief of the not-so-innocent bystanders. "Pursey… you're cheating on me? How could you?"

Pursey remained mute.

APT burst into tears, staining his pink clothes and fat cheeks (or bits of ham sellotaped to his face). "Pursey… It's OVER!"

He rolled away, screaming pink murder and offering prayers to Gok Wan. Artemis sweat-dropped.

"Uh… what just happened?" she asked the passers-by, who wisely walked away from the crazy child.

"At least I got Pursey…" she sighed happily. Suddenly, a random Braviary came from nowhere and took Pursey away.

"NOOOOOOOO! Pursey's been kidnapped! Call the police! The fire brigade! The army! MY POOR BABY!"

And off into the sunset she ran, chasing after the "bloody pigeon" and cursing Arceus the entire way.

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**A/N: Please review and tell us what you thought! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Could the owner of the giant bird pokémon currently tearing up the airport please report to reception? Thank you."

Artemis paused. THE BRAVIARY WAS HERE. She had chased it over five mountains, two valleys and several toddlers to this most sacred of locations- Hoenn airport.

"PURSEY! I'M COMING!"

* * *

"Could the owner of the screaming teenage girl currently tearing up the airport please report to reception? Thank yo- ARRRRRRRGH! SHE'S HERE! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz….

"Er-hem-hem. This is the new reception lady thingy who is currently offering the reward OF A LIFETIME, that's right idiots. OF A LIFETIME. This reward goes to anyone who can get me that Braviary! Second place goes to the maker of the best fried melon."

Artemis grinned, pushing her lemony hair out of her face. Do you want to know why it was lemony? BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY.

Well, that and she may or may not have blown up a lemonade stand on her way to the airport.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDING AROUND FOR? GET THE BIRD!" She yelled after five minutes.

Ah, fun with intercoms.

* * *

A lone Teddiursa stood upon a stage set up on a beach. It (well, it was a guy) wore a military outfit with all sorts of medals and stuff, and a hat, too! He was giving a speech to the local pokémon . Well, the ones who bothered to show up. You know, like wailmers, luvdiscs, various aquatic pokémon, and some of the domesticated ones.

We now delve into said speech, which was lovingly translated into English for your convenience.

"My fellow pokémon, for countless years we have been subject to the whims of whatever ten year old with a ball pleases. We have been ripped from our homes, stuffed into balls, forced to battle whenever the humans please. Some of us don't even get the pleasure of stretching out legs. No, instead we are put into PC's, forgotten until our captors die. I for one, have had enough of these- these Burgess humans thinking they can do whatever they please with us! We, the proletariat must rise up against these humans who hurt us with reckless abandon! We must take the world back from them and rule like the before times! We must- Hey, where are you going?!"

The various pokémon began to leave in the middle of his speech. The teddiursa grabbed onto the tail feathers of a pelipper before she could take off. "Why are you leaving in the middle of my speech?!"

The pelipper shook the bear-mon off before replying, "We've heard this all before, dude."

"What do you mean you've 'heard it all before'?"

"I mean, there were these guys called Team Plasma who were preachin' the same shloch you were spouting out three years ago. Turns out they were full of crap."

"What?"

"Dude, don't you like, read the papers?"

"Of course not! Those things are just lies created by the human government meant to repress the proletariat!"

"...You have issues, dude." And with that, the pelipper took off into the air like an early dream of mankind.

And Teddiursa was left standing there, contemplating his next course of action. If there really was an organization that shared his ideology, then that could jump-start his campaign. However, if they were discredited, then that would pose a problem. However, if he were to, say, re-credit them, then he truly could find a way to start the revolution! A pokémon who hates humans would certainly give them credit! But, how would he find these humans? Where were their region of operations? _"Hmm, I suppose I might need to use that human construct known as an "internet"," _The mere thought of having to use human technology disgusted the Teddiursa, but sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.

Just then, he had heard a cry coming from his left, it's volume increased as it drew near. "MMMAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOR !"

_"Blast!"_ The tiny-widdle bear removed his outfit and threw it as hard as he could into the ocean, only to be met by a tackle just after doing so. He then found himself in an extremely tight bear-hug by his trainer, Luna. The blue-haired girl, now sitting on her knees, was crying her eyes out and snuggling her Teddiursa -lovingly nicknamed Major- and buried her face in his back, as if using him as a tissue.

"Oh, Major! *sniff* Dad's being such a total *sniff* douche today! He says he's going to some region for work! I wanted to stay home, but he said no! I was trying to tell him that I was a big girl, that I could stay at home alone, but he yelled at me-e-e-e!" She trailed off into more sobbing. "Now I'll never have awesome adventures where I lay booby traps to catch criminal scum!"

"Let go of me, you mediocre dunce!" Major shouted in his crazy bear language. Luna (obviously) didn't understand; she continued her wangsting. This continued for a few minutes until a shout was heard.

"LUNA!"

Luna ceased her tears at the sound of her name. Why did it have to be him?

Major nearly cried tears of joy at the shout. He recognized it as Doctor Walsh's voice. The man was only slightly more tolerable than most humans, but he had leagues of common sense over the manic moron that was his daughter.

"Luna, we need to talk. Space," Walsh said as he approached his daughter.

"I don't wanna," the bluenette muttered.

"Look, I realize that what I said was hurtful, and I'm sorry for that, but you need to realize that you can be a bit... clumsy. Space."

"...I guess..."

"And you know I love you, and I'm just scared for your safety. That's why I want to bring you with me! Space."

"...I dunno..."

"Come on, Luna. It'll be fun! The Unova region has all sorts of pokémon there that can't be found anywhere else! You can battle 'em, catch 'em, whatever! Space!"

"...Did you say battle!?"

"Yes! Space!"

"OHMYARCEUSILOVEYOUDADDYI'LLGOPACKRIGHTNOW!" Luna dropped Major and leaped up, rushing to her house to pack.

Doctor Walsh chuckled. "That's my girl. Space," He said to a now unconscious Major.

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**A/N: Well, here's chapter two... I guess. Took me months, but I got it out. Introductions always take me awhile.**


End file.
